Weariness
There is a kind of exhaustion that goes deeper than being tired. Not the kind sleep fixes. Not the kind a vacation heals. The kind that settles into your soul after fighting for a long time. Weariness. I once heard a speaker say that nearly everyone who is told by their physician, “Change your ways or die,” never truly changes. I heard that statistic a few months ago at a seminar before I understood how sick I actually was. I remember sitting there thinking: Why wouldn’t they change? Why would someone choose not to live? Now I understand. Weariness. Weary with no perceived progress. Weary with the contraption you are tethered to. Weary with bland food. Weary with limitations. Weary with the looks of pity. Weary with the lack of energy. Weary with waking up every day wondering if this is as good as it gets. And somewhere deep inside, screaming for normalcy. Why can’t things just go back to the way they were before? Being completely honest? I wanted to give up this wee...