Weariness
Not the kind sleep fixes.
Not the kind a vacation heals.
The kind that settles into your soul after fighting for a long time.
Weariness.
I once heard a speaker say that nearly everyone who is told by their physician, “Change your ways or die,” never truly changes. I heard that statistic a few months ago at a seminar before I understood how sick I actually was. I remember sitting there thinking:
Why wouldn’t they change?
Why would someone choose not to live?
Now I understand.
Weariness.
Weary with no perceived progress.
Weary with the contraption you are tethered to.
Weary with bland food.
Weary with limitations.
Weary with the looks of pity.
Weary with the lack of energy.
Weary with waking up every day wondering if this is as good as it gets.
And somewhere deep inside, screaming for normalcy.
Why can’t things just go back to the way they were before?
Being completely honest? I wanted to give up this week.
Not suicide.
Not abandoning God.
Just… stop trying.
Accept the diagnosis.
Accept defeat.
Crawl under the covers and prepare for the inevitable.
And if I am being truthful, weariness had already started slipping into the very things that were helping keep me alive.
I stopped being as diligent as I should have been with what I was eating.
I stopped weighing every day, even though monitoring fluid buildup is vital for me.
I stopped checking my blood pressure daily.
Not all at once.
Just little compromises born from exhaustion.
And don’t we do the same thing spiritually when we become weary?
We stop praying to the One who can and will perfect everything that concerns us. (Psalm 138:8)
We stop reading the Word, which is both our food and our sword.
We stop obeying the prompting of the Holy Spirit because weariness slowly turns into frustration, discouragement, and sometimes even self-pity.
That is the danger of weariness.
It quietly pulls us away from the very things keeping us alive.
But God.
He keeps me going.
He keeps me fighting.
Fighting to live.
Fighting for my family.
Fighting for the purpose He still has for me.
Fighting for you — the one reading this right now.
Because we cannot give up. There is still too much to live for.
Jesus said:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28-29
The Lord never promised we would never grow weary. But He did promise we would never carry it alone.
“He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength.” — Isaiah 40:29 NKJV
“For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” — Jeremiah 31:25 ESV
“Do not fear, for I am with you… I will strengthen you and help you.” — Isaiah 41:10 NIV
Sometimes strength looks like simply refusing to quit.
Strength is keeping your head above the waves one more day.
And just when I was about to quit… I received a good report.
Not total healing… yet.
But movement in the right direction.
A reminder that God is still moving even when we cannot see it.
The heaviness lifted.
Hallelujah.
“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.” — Psalm 30:11 NKJV
Friend, do not clothe yourself in despair.
The enemy would love nothing more than for you to settle into hopelessness and call it wisdom.
But Scripture says to put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.
Praise is not denial.
Praise is defiance.
It is standing in the middle of uncertainty and declaring that God is still good.
Everything we go through is either working something in us, working something out of us, or working something through us.
Nothing is wasted.
Not the pain.
Not the waiting.
Not the weariness.
You are not going anywhere until His work in you is complete.
As George Whitfield once said:
“Fear not your weak body; we are immortal till our work is done.”
So today, set aside the heaviness.
Put on the garment of praise.
Trust the Father whose ways are so much higher than ours. The One who loves you with an everlasting love.
That alone is something worth living for.
Remember: The waves may rise, but the One who walks on the water is calling you to come closer.
I Want to Walk on the Water
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